Set Backs and Starting Over

It's been a while.  A long while.  A lot has happened in the last year and my fitness is definitely reflecting some of those things and not in a good way.  I changed jobs, changed homes (twice), developed some health issues that have just now been diagnosed, and gained a significant other.  In all of that I lost my fitness routine.  I lost my motivation, and I lost my supports.

When I left my job I moved to a town that still had a Goodlife, but it wasn't MY Goodlife.  It was older, smaller, darker, and almost entirely male.  I couldn't find the equipment I was used to using, and there was almost no space for the free weights or floor mats.  I didn't know the staff, and honestly they never approached me even once.  The other members didn't talk to each other the way I was used to and there were less classes.  My motivation took a very painful nose dive.  In my gym I knew all the staff and they knew me.  I knew some of the regular members and would race them on the rowing machine.  It was bright, new, huge, and comfortable.  I didn't want to go to this new gym so I thought I'd exercise at home.  That worked, except for the dogs constantly licking my face, or knees, or feet... plus dog hair in your nose makes a lot of sneezing.  I didn't have weights so I couldn't do a lot of things I was used to doing... and the excuses continued.  I worked some temp jobs so my routine was a mess and eating healthy slowly gave way to eating convenient.

Then I got my new job, in a town with no gym (or post office or grocery store or even a traffic light).  I work days now, which makes it surprisingly difficult to get exercise in.  It's either really early in the morning and I don't want to get out of bed, or its after work and I'm tired.  Again, doing it at home there is no structure to it so you get home from work and three episodes of Friends later... you get the picture.  Shortly after this move I started having health problems centered around my stomach.  Good bye abs!  It got so bad that I could not do a sit up or even a crunch.  Working with my doctor and many many tests later I've learned that I am unable to process gluten (yes yes bandwagon blah blah blah but I have the doctors note to prove it!).  Since I already couldn't have dairy it became a huge learning curve on eating.  One I'm still getting used to.  I'm still waiting for the bloating to go down so we can see exactly how much of it is fat that I need to shed again.

The Significant Other is also on a path of reclaiming his body and health.  He has his own dietary issues and no gym to work with so we are starting on the same page at least.  We do a lot of meal planning and cooking together and as the weather is getting nicer we are starting to get more outdoors exercise in.  We are talking about goals and motivating each other to make healthy choices but its slow getting off the ground.

Tonight, I stumbled back on my blog here and I reread my posts from last year and I can suddenly remember EXACTLY what I was feeling then, and thinking, and how great I felt about everything in my life.  It wasn't just my body, it was a sense of accomplishment, of worth, of purpose, and of determination that spilled over into everything.  Into my job (and getting out and finding a better one), my finances, my mental outlook, everything.  It's the fire I needed to kick my butt back into gear.

I'm ready now to overcome my own excuses.  I'm ready to reclaim that excitement and that body that I was building.  I'm ready to focus on my food choices and kick out the junk.  I. AM. READY.

Sometimes life kicks us down for a bit.  It's just a set back, its not the end.  I've got people who will get on board and who will join me in this quest.  It's time to get back on that treadmill and run.

Mars vs Venus

There are differences between men and women, we are all well aware of this.  We think differently, act differently, and our bodies are built differently.  In the first week with the New Trainer I'm already learning that male trainers and female trainers are very different and that I am lucky to get to train with both!

One of the things I learned today was that because our pelvis is shaped differently movements like lunges should be performed differently.  Most of us have been taught to do a lunge straight on with a straight frame.  That's great for men, whose pelvis is aligned straight down.  A woman's pelvis is shaped inward like a V.  When we do a lunge like a man does it causes that pinching feeling in our hips.  Instead try placing your front foot to the outside of your hip span...think the walk the Monkees did.  No pinch!  Its called a diagonal lunge if you are looking it up.

It's been different working with a woman.  Our conversations are different and she has a different perspective on fitness, bodies, and she gets body image issues so much better than a guy does.  I'm not saying its better having a woman, the male trainer also had a lot of benefits.  He provides a source of competition and pushes harder.  His perspective was different than mine, which is always a good thing, and our conversations were entertaining.  I'm just saying it's different.  Like I said, I'm lucky to get to train with both!

Happy learning.

Mixed Reactions

I'm super psyched about the results I'm getting and lots of people are starting to comment on the changes they are seeing.  My face has really thinned out in particular so it's getting noticeable.  What surprises me is that not all of the comments are positive.  Most people give a simple "you've lost weight" with a smile.  In the last couple of days I've had two interactions in particular that were less than positive.  One lady said "you've lost weight!"  I smiled and said thank you, and she replied: "I didn't say it was a good thing".  WHOA.  Another gentleman said "someone needs to throw you a sandwich".  Ummmmmm..... what?

According to the Body Mass Index I am just, JUST into the healthy zone finally (yay).  I am still at the high end.  How can I need a sandwich when I was so recently overweight?  What does it say about our society when a woman who is a healthy weight is considered too thin?

More than the types of comments, I am surprised by the sheer amount of comments and opinions that are shared with me now.  I never used to get comments on my body before.  What changed that makes people want to share their opinions on my body?  My pregnant friends have the same issue with people suddenly feeling free to touch their stomachs.  What is that?

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with someone about developing a six pack and the comment was "girls shouldn't have six packs".  My answer was "well this one will".  I am going to be a muscular girl.  I am going to be proud of my body and the work and dedication that I have put into it.  The negative people can think what they like, and they can even voice their opinion all they like.  I will be strong.

Changes

Life changes, usually in unexpected ways.  Mine changes often with seasonal work and moving a lot, so I'm usually pretty good at dealing with change.  I even welcome it most days.  Today is not that day.

The Trainer has decided to join the military and will be leaving next week.  Aside from the worry that comes with having someone you know join the military, I am worried about what will happen with the training.  I don't want to change.  A new trainer means a new style, personality, and outlook.  They don't know where we've been or how we got here, and they don't share the pride of that accomplishment.  It's like starting all over from the beginning but without the excited motivation to get going.  I'm worried that I will lose momentum and progress while the new one figures me out.  I'm not the type to give away the inner details of how to motivate me.  It took The Trainer months to figure it out and sometimes he still gets surprised.  I'll have to do what makes me uncomfortable and speak up.  What if the New Trainer and I don't get along?  Today I am full of worries about this change.

Time to take a deep breath and push through.  We have a plan, we've considered the options for new trainers, and we are all sitting down together to talk about all of these things that I am worrying about.  This may be an opportunity to learn new things, expand my workout routine, and see a different style that may even work better.  What if I approach this like a new lift?  Instead of fear and thinking "I cant" maybe I need to think "challenge accepted" and embrace it.  This is an opportunity to grow, become better at speaking up and taking ownership for my own development, to make a new friend, and learn.  

  Mind, Body, and Spirit growing Strong together.  I'm still going to miss The Trainer, and this is still going to be hard, but here goes!

Changing the mindset

Valentines weekend is stupid in the hospitality industry.  Ridiculous expectations, grumpy couples that need to just realize they are over, and men shelling out way too much money just because they have to.  It does not make for a pleasant experience for those of us who are at work trying to meet the expectations of women who have read a bit too much Jane Austen, while pleasing the men whose wallets are suddenly 8 pounds lighter.  I'm sorry sir, but my food quality is NOT the reason you aren't getting laid tonight.  And doing this over and over and over again as every couple, or pseudo couple in the community hits the restaurant at the exact same time on the exact same night.  "What do you mean do I have a reservation?  Why would I need one, you cant be that busy".  Actually, 103 seats and 250 people later we are still full.  Again...I'm not the reason you aren't getting laid tonight, though I have some theories for you...

As you might imagine it has been a trying weekend.  There has been one thing that has sustained me through it... fitness.

Believe it or not the thing that got me through this god awful weekend was dead lifts!

On Thursday, The Trainer decided it was time to find out how much I could lift.  I was surprised, I could dead lift 100 pounds.  Not just once... oh no .. repeatedly (for four sets because he is sadistic like that)!  Who knew that I could ever dead lift anything, let alone 100 pounds?  Well it turns out that I can and the pride that comes from that is what got me through.  Every time it got difficult or I felt like giving up the thought kept coming up... I can dead lift 100 pounds, so I can do this.  There was no logical connection between lifting and feeding 300 couples, but the idea that there was something I could succeed at kept me pushing for success throughout the weekend.

I think the biggest gain I've had from this adventure is the change in mindset that I have developed with each success that I have had in fitness.  When life gets hard, and I get down on myself, I think about how much I've accomplished in the last four months.  If I can go from weak and flabby to strong and fit then there is no reason why I cant do anything else that comes up.

We are currently working on a clean - squat - thrust move that is giving me a bit of grief... but I could never have even dreamed of doing it even last month.  We are capable of so much more than we believe we are.  It's all mental and once you realize that its your own mind that is blocking you, you start to see all the blocks you've erected for yourself and you start jumping over them.

I can do this, and so can you!

You've come along way baby...

Today in the locker room a lady stopped me to tell me that she was watching me lift weights today.  While she was watching she said to her husband that she wished her boys would come to the gym to see girls like me because they think that men are always stronger than women and she wants them to see that there are girls out there who could kick their asses.  I've been grinning ever since.  There is something completely uplifting about realizing that you are someones inspiration for fitness.  It's crazy to think how much has changed in the four months since I started this process.

I've created this blog as a way to talk about my fitness obsession without driving everyone I know crazy.  If it inspires someone else that's even better.

It all started with a dress.  I ordered a bridesmaid dress and it fit perfectly, totally perfect.  When I went to pick it up I had added some pounds and the dress wouldn't do up.  It was time for action.  A few days later I got a call from Goodlife...my friend Al had joined and put me down as someone who might be interested so would I like to come in for a tour?  One thing led to another and I joined.  I even signed up for a six session personal trainer starter thing to learn how to use the gym properly.  Turns out I have a twisted sense of fun and being tortured for an hour seemed like a good time so I signed up for more.

The Trainer has been kicking my ass for four months now and the changes are incredible.  Sometimes it gets frustrating when I cant do something that I think I should be able to already and it helps to remember what I couldn't do when I started that I can do now.  I went from zero to 150 sit ups.  Lifting nothing to dead lifting 75lbs.  I can now run a mile.  Doing squats, pull ups, weight lifting, incline sit ups, lunges, and burpees (aka the devils exercise).

I've lost 3 dress sizes, several inches everywhere, and there are ab lines coming in.  I regularly get people nearby watching me and making comments like "I wish I could do that".  I love being someones inspiration.

and that dress... its too big now.